Dr. Benzer: Willpower Doesn't Exist

In a passage from Homer's Odyssey, Odysseus and his ship are about to pass through the Siren-infested waters. On the one hand, he knows that hearing their song will spell his doom. On the other hand, he's dying of curiosity and is tired of hearing about their song and just wants to hear their song, dammit, and be the only mortal to live to tell.

Now Odysseus is one crafty dude, so he tells all of his sailors to plug their ears with wax so they can't be tempted by the Sirens' song. He keeps his own ears unplugged, but has his mates lash him to the mast and ignore everything he says. That way, he gets to eat his cake and have it too: he hears the Sirens, but doesn't die.

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Well, the good news is that you as a human possess the gift of arranging conditions to favor the outcome you want. It's not about your being perfect or having infinite willpower. It's about recognizing that, like Odysseus, you're fallible. So in lucid moments, you structure your life to serve your own best interest.

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So if you're one of those people who wants to shed excess mass, start by emptying your fridge and cupboards of sugary, fatty food and never purchasing that stuff again. So there's no butter, mayonnaise, processed cheese, sweets, candy bars, ice cream or dessert anywhere in your household. Only healthy stuff like fruit, of which you can eat as much as you want, because you'll feel too full before you have a chance to ingest excessive calories.

Let's talk about your circle of associates. Are some of them bubbly, fun, positive people who are always propping you up? Great! If you like to grow as a person, spend more time around them.

Are some of them snarky, gossipy, negative people who always have something to complain about? Chances are those friends aren't going to be the catalyst to your greatness.

So quietly excise the merchants of negative energy from your life and spend as much time with the sunshine brigade as possible. They say that your income is the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. I'm guessing your attitude and contentment probably follow a similar pattern, so keep that in mind.

What else can we Odysseus here? Ah yes, dating. Let's say you do silly things when you're drunk on a date. Possible solution: try not to order any booze the evening of your next date.

But that's not the full Odysseus: you're still relying on willpower here, and we already know that doesn't work.

The key is to make it impossible for you to have the undesired behavior. So you have the date at a cafe where alcohol is not served at all. Or go for a walk in the park instead of the sit-down dinner.

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The power is within you.